Sunday, December 20, 2009

suffering... just in time for xmas!

This trip is soon approaching!

I can finally say that I feel prepared to go. For the past 6 months, God has been equipping me for this trip. After much prayer from all of my friends, I can finally say that I feel like I can do this. My heart is open to whatever I experience, and my hope is that I see these people as my brothers and sisters--not people with a label attached to them. While I want to help them with their medical needs, I yearn to hear about their personal stories. I look forward the most to hearing about their lives.

God is sending me on this trip for a reason. I don't know yet what it is, but his promises have held true. At the begnning of this trip, he told me that I would raise enough funding to go. Through this process, he has proven to me how little faith I have. He has countlessly provided funding for this trip. Not only did he provide enough funding for me to go, but he provided MORE funding for me to stay by myself for an extra 2 weeks. I remember earlier this fall he told me that I would recieve a large amount of money. The next day, an aquaintance showed up on my doorstep with $100. Later that week, I was given $300.

What amazes me the most is that I put in 10% of my personal money for this trip. The other 90% is from you. To be honest, I don't think God wanted me to put in any of my money, but being as stubborn as I was in the beginning, I wanted this trip to happen. How selfish of me to take matters into my own hands; this was God's plan...not my own!

Through all of this, God has been showing me a bigger picture. My pastor back in Carbondale said it best this morning... that as Christians, we must suffer and endure hardship to attain spiritual maturity.

Many of you know me to be a "planner" or what I call a "control-freak." As I have SLOWLY given things to God, I've suffered. But the suffering was really all in my head. Suffering to me meant not knowing what was next for me. So this past year has had a lot of "suffering." I suffered because somewhere in the back of mind I didn't think this trip was going to happen since I wasn't personally contributing to making it happen. I suffered through doing poorly on the GMAT test, not sure if I'd make it into grad school. I suffered being told that my test score wasn't going to make the cut even though my GPA was a 4.0. I'm STILL suffering not knowing where I'll work after this trip.

But you know what? It's worth it!

Pray for me this week. Especially for distractions.


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